I found a park nearby where there’s a basketball court with pick-up games on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Three days a week is a little too much basketball for me personally, but it’s good cardio and when you’re the new kid in town it’s on you to take initiative to make friends.
So I go on Wednesdays.
Since it is basketball, there’s only one other white kid on the court — James, and he’s crazy good, I mean, he’s the illest kid on the court no doubt, but he doesn’t think so, because he’s white.
People go to college, take up a hobby or join a meetup for social validation, and then somewhere along the line they begin to rationalize what’s already said and done, like “yeah, fuck the bankers, bro. I could have been one, but I’m going against the grain with my work,” or, “so what, I’m not rich but you know what? I’m an artist and my life doesn’t suck!”
On the flip side, the fat cats and sell-outs say, “yeah well, I’m rich, bitch. And money can buy anything.”
Dude, why do you keep moving to dark places? I really haven’t thought about this until now and I’ll admit it’s a good observation but it’s not that I have a thing for dark places or some sort of sinister longing for the darkness or anything like that; it would be more honest and accurate for me to say that I might gravitate towards darker places as a reverse compensatory behavior or subconscious attempt to undo the effects of growing up under the lights in Las Vegas, which is the Brightest Spot in the world according to NASA. It’s said that you can see the Luxor sky beam from outer space although I don’t know if that’s really true, because I haven’t made it to outer space yet, but I’ve had enough man made light to last me a life time and while I’m sure there are a number of other factors and influences involved, it’s true that I tend to move away from the light and towards darker places without realizing it.
My best friend was shot in the head and my brother is locked up for a shoot out in broad daylight, and I know a lot of guys who are trying to go legit but it’s hard, whereas it was easy and natural to be wild and illegitimate, especially during the younger years, it becomes harder to sustain that kind of life without everybody getting shot; yet at the same time, ideas about going legit sound nice in theory but it becomes hard to sustain those ideas in real life too, even though you are wiser, which can sometimes make it even harder, as hard choices, tough entanglements and realization of human nature sneak back up on you.
Steamed mussels over my neighbor’s spicy Cajun sauce with a few rain drops in the bowl for good muddy. She has me save the shells for her daughter who I haven’t met yet but who I guess likes to use the shells to make “necklaces and things.” Sounds like a witch or something but if she is anything like her ma she must be good company.
[Editor’s note: I couldn’t find a non downloadable link to the Walter Kaufmann translation of Nietzsche’s “Why I Am So Wise” anywhere online, which is weird given that Nietzsche’s most well known quote belongs to this text. To my knowledge, this is the only digital reprint available online. I had to type it out myself. Enjoy.]
“An all too long series of years signifies recovery for me; sadly, it also signifies relapse, breakdown, periods of decadence. After this, need I say that I am experienced in questions of decadence? I have spelled them forward and backward. Even that little art of apprehension and comprehension in general, those fingers for nuances, that psychology of “looking around the corner,” and whatever else is characteristic of me, was learned only then, and is the specific gift of that period during which everything in me became subtler–observation itself, as well as all organs of observation. Seeing from the standpoint of the sick toward healthier concepts and values and, conversely, looking again from the fullness and self assurance of a rich life down into the secret work of the instinct of decadence–in this I have had the longest training, my truest experience; if in anything, I became master in this.
“The most intelligent men, like the strongest, find their happiness where others would find only disaster: in the labyrinth, in being hard with themselves and with others, in effort; their delight is self-mastery; in them asceticism becomes second nature, a necessity, as instinct.” –Nietzsche
Six daily disciplines which constitute the basis of my recovery:
1. Train every morning. I’m not a big fan of training after school or work because I like to drink after school or work, and it’s important to make sure that nothing interferes with my drinking. So I train first thing in the morning. It works for me; plus, there’s the mental of aspect of believing that I’m working off yesterday’s weakness by training right when I wake up, as opposed to working off today’s weakness by training at the end of the day — if that makes sense. It makes me feel like I’m a day ahead of the rest, and who knows, maybe I am.
Going into the new year I look and feel like a little savage and this may be the best physical shape I’ve been in since my early twenties. I still drink 750 mL whisky a day and I really drink from the bottle but who gives a shit. Been training only for a few months again but having been in decent shape all my life makes it easier to shred up quickly. I told myself I would keep this blog simple so I’m not going to get into a bunch of complicated physiological stuff but no matter what you are going through in life I think if you keep your body hard the mind will follow and you will overcome the mental obstacles.